Tampa Bay +6.5 at Atlanta
This is one of about 12 “ugh” games this week, as I’m calling them, so named because it seems there’s no good way to play it. The only thing going for Tampa Bay is that they’re getting nearly a touchdown. I talked last week about teams giving more than six points covered only once. They also shouldn’t be as bad as they seem this year. Maybe the short week will keep them from over-thinking things.
Vegas opened the line with Atlanta -5.5, but heavy betting on the Falcons moved the line a full point. The public is not usually a good barometer for predicting how games will turn out. If they were, Vegas wouldn’t continue to offer sports betting.
Home teams have been very good in the first two weeks of Thursday night football this season, but the Falcons got pretty beat up (physically and psychologically) in Cincinnati last week, and they don’t have much of a running game.
Overall, I was 7-9, which puts me at 16-16 for the season. Here’s a look at how my picks came out this week:
| Correct | Incorrect |
| Detroit at Carolina -2.5 | Miami +1 at Buffalo |
| Arizona -2 at NY Giants | Jacksonville +6 at Washington |
| New England -6 at Minnesota | Dallas at Tennessee -3 |
| Atlanta at Cincinnati – 5.5 | New Orleans – 6.5 at Cleveland |
| Seattle at San Diego +5.5 | St. Louis at Tampa Bay -6 |
| Houston -3 at Oakland | NY Jets at Green Bay – 7.5 |
| Philadelphia +3 at Indianapolis | Kansas City at Denver -11.5 |
| Chicago at San Francisco -7 |
A few notes on the results:
- Big spreads are tough to beat. Other than New England, no team giving six or more points covered. If I had taken the points every time the line was 6 or more, I would’ve gone 12-4!
- Jacksonville, Tampa Bay, and Oakland are terrible.
- Seven(!) road teams won this week.
- A lot of players went down with an injury this week; these will need to be monitored before making picks for week 3.
Thursday Night Recap
Well, the outcome of Thursday’s game (with Baltimore winning – and covering – by a score of 26-6 vs. Pittsburgh) was a disappointment. But as the saying goes, when you lose, don’t lose the lesson. Bill Barnwell from Grantland and I are thinking along the same, uh, lines this week. Bill’s latest column addressed teams that will be desperate to avoid going 0-2 to start the season. (All teams are desperate to avoid this, but some have greater expectations for the season than others.)
This was effectively the situation in Baltimore on Thursday night. The Ravens had lost to Cincinnati in week 1; a second loss to an AFC North team could very well have doomed their season. This is something to consider when evaluating the lines this week. Some teams will be desperate to win and be able to do something about it, others are likely doomed to lose.
Barnwell identifies four teams in particular who need to avoid starting the season 0-2:
- Chicago
- Kansas City
- Indianapolis, and
- San Diego.
Can they win this week? Will they even be able to cover the line? Let’s get to the picks for week 2!
Detroit at Carolina -2.5
Some factors to consider in this matchup:
- As with the Baltimore game on Thursday, in Carolina you have a home team giving less than a field goal. That’s tough to pass up, even though Carolina won (at Tampa Bay) in week 1 and don’t find themselves in as desperate a situation as the Ravens.
- Cam Newton is back for the Panthers.
- The Panthers defense should execute much better than the Giants did against the Lions in week 1.
Miami +1 at Buffalo
At this point, you might be confused: if Baltimore and Carolina are good bets because they are home teams giving less than a field goal, why not take Buffalo here? Three reasons:
- Miami is traditionally a good road team, so I’m comfortable taking them here. If they were playing in Buffalo in late December, it might be a different story.
- While Buffalo’s defense was pretty good against the Bears in week 1, the Bears were hampered offensively by some injuries, and Miami comes in healthy (albeit with Ryan Tannehill).
- At the end of the pre-season, Buffalo was the team I was most excited to go against this year. It’s possible they’ve righted the ship, but I’m not going to buy in too much based on a single win against a team with a bad defense and special teams.
Jacksonville +6 at Washington
This line is as simple as this: Washington isn’t good enough to be giving six points to anyone. Jacksonville blew the cover late against Philadelphia in week 1, and Washington was simply walloped in Houston. The Texans have a much better defense than the Jaguars, but I still expect Washington to struggle. This could be one of those early season lines where Vegas is still working on adjusting to the reality of each team.
Dallas at Tennessee -3
This is also a pretty straightforward line: Dallas is terrible, and the Titans looked pretty good against an underachieving Chiefs team in week 1.
Arizona -2 at NY Giants
I think the Cardinals were a little surprised by how hard they had to work to win at home against San Diego in week 1, but a lot of NFL experts were touting San Diego as a sleeper team this year. No one is picking the Giants as a sleeper team this year. It’s very likely they will be every bit as bad as they were in their 35-14 loss in week 1.
New England -6 at Minnesota
I hate this pick. The game started out New England -3, as if Vegas were just daring Boston fans to give points on the road two weeks in a row after getting blown out in Miami in week 1. Then the Adrian Peterson news broke, and the line jumped to Patriots -6. The Vikings still have a number of factors going for them, including:
- Playing in their home opener.
- Revenge game for Matt Cassel against his old team
- Cordarrelle Patterson is a potent offensive weapon.
- Their defense was outstanding last week.
Why go with the Patriots, then?
- The Pats had a 10-point lead at halftime last week before wilting in the Miami heat. That won’t be an issue in Minnesota.
- The Vikings looked great against Shaun Hill, but Tom Brady is a little bit better of a QB than Hill.
- Belichick hasn’t lost back-to-back season openers since 2001.
An old gambling adage is, if you don’t think the underdog can win the game outright, don’t take the points.
New Orleans – 6.5 at Cleveland
The Saints probably should’ve been on Barnwell’s list of teams desperate not to go 0-2 to start the season. He figured the team will be fine even with a loss to the Browns, but if you’re losing to Cleveland this year, the wheels have come off the bus. The Browns have a couple of offensive X factors in rookies Terrance West and Isaiah Crowell, but the Saints really only struggled against the pass last week vs. the Falcons, and the Browns don’t have a receiving corps that comes close to what Atlanta does.
Atlanta at Cincinnati – 5.5
This was the most surprising line of the week. After the Falcons’ performance against the Saints, I’d have thought this would have been a three-point game. So why would Vegas make the Bengals such a big favorite? Certainly, their defense looked great for the majority of the game against the Ravens last week. And the Falcons don’t have much of a running game, either. In this case, I think Vegas tipped their hand a bit. I think they could’ve gotten just as much money from Atlanta supporters if they made the line -3.5, but they’re a bit desperate to have Falcons’ money because they expect Cincinnati to win big.
St. Louis at Tampa Bay -6
It’s tough to give six points with as bad as Tampa Bay looked at home last week against Carolina, but the Panthers had one of the top defenses last year, and their performance in week 1 would indicate they haven’t fallen off by much. I simply can’t see Shaun Hill leading the team to a victory on the road.
Seattle at San Diego +5.5
This will be an interesting game if for no other reason than to see how well Seattle plays after being off for 10 days. Can San Diego win this game? I think they can. Seattle is better at home than they are on the road. The Chargers showed last week that they are an improved team from last year. The Chargers defense at home will prove a much greater challenge for the Seahawks than Green Bay’s did on the road against them in week 1. Yes, Seattle drubbed San Diego in the preseason this year, but that was in Seattle, and it was the preseason. If anything, San Diego probably learned more about Seattle from that game than vice versa.
Houston -3 at Oakland
This line is the gift of the week. The Raiders are a bad team again this year. The Texans will likely miss Jadeveon Clowney on defense, but this is J.J. Watt’s defense, not Clowney’s (yet).
NY Jets at Green Bay – 7.5
This is a tough one – 7.5 is a lot of points. I’m taking the Packers because I’m not sold on Geno Smith and Chris Johnson on the road, and the Packers have had 10 days to prepare for their home opener.
Kansas City at Denver -11.5
Are the Chiefs as bad as they looked in week 1 vs. Tennessee? Will Denver let another big lead slip away and blow the cover? I’m guessing Yes, and No. The Broncos defense will dominate throughout this matchup.
Chicago at San Francisco -7
I think this is another game where Vegas tipped its hand. I think they know exactly how bad the Bears are on defense, and the Bears have key injuries on offense this week as well. The 49ers might not be world beaters this year, but coach Jim Harbaugh isn’t afraid to run up the score on any opponent.
Philadelphia +3 at Indianapolis
I’m not sure Vegas knows what to expect in this game. Indy looked good in rallying against Denver last week (after the game was out of hand), but their defense just isn’t good. Philly almost blew their home opener against Jacksonville of all teams, but they showed just how dominant their offense can be, as well. Which team’s “good” version of itself will show up? I’m betting on the Eagles, since they will seize the opportunity to put even more distance between themselves and their hapless division rivals.
Pittsburgh +2.5 at Baltimore
At first glance, this might seem like a bad pick for a few reasons:
- You have a team giving less than a field goal at home
- After opening a huge lead against Cleveland in week 1, Pittsburgh barely escaped against the Browns
- Baltimore no longer has to worry about the uncertainty regarding Ray Rice’s fate, although it’s still dealing with the stigma of the situation
You should also know that I have a personal bias and animus against the Ravens. As a Browns far, I am still bitter over the traitor Art Modell moving the Browns from Cleveland to Baltimore in 1996. I will remain bitter about this until I die, no matter how many championships the Browns may win between now and then.
I’m also bitter about a gambling situation involving these two teams a few years ago. In 2011, I was in Las Vegas for a conference. After the conference, I stayed the weekend to play in some poker tournaments, which went horribly. On Sunday afternoon, I was down to my last $50 I allotted for the weekend. I placed a $15 wager on each of three numbers at a roulette table, which corresponded to the birthdays of my friend’s daughters. One of the numbers hit, and I suddenly had $500. Only one NFL game was left: the night game with Pittsburgh hosting Baltimore. The Steelers were favored by 3.5 points. I called my friend with the daughters, and asked him to write “Pittsburgh” on one piece of paper, and “Baltimore” on the other, and have the daughter whose birthday hit on the roulette wheel to pick one of them, with the intention of betting my new-found windfall on whichever team she picked. She picked Baltimore. I really, really didn’t want to bet on Baltimore. I’m no Pittsburgh fan either, but the Ravens are the worst. I couldn’t do it. I bet the whole lot on the Steelers and watched the game in my room.
With 2:34 left in the game, and Pittsburgh finally in the lead by 4 after trailing for most of the game, the Steelers had the ball on the Raven’s 31 facing a 4th and 5 situation. Confusion ensued, as the Steeler’s Mike Tomlin seemed uncertain as to whether to go for it, or kick a field goal. Finally, the field goal unit went on the field (even though Heinz Field is the most difficult place to kick a field goal in the NFL), but they were too late. The play clock expired and the Steelers were pushed back five yards. You could feel the momentum shifting. Now the Steelers were forced to punt, which left Baltimore pinned deep on their own eight yard line.
OK, 2:24 left in the game. Steelers are up 4. All they have to do is hold on for two minutes and 24 seconds. The Ravens can’t go for a field goal and ruin the spread, because they need a touchdown to win. First down, incomplete pass by Joe Flacco. Beautiful. Three downs to go. Second down, 21-yard completion to Anquan Boldin. Disaster! Next play, another 13-yard completion. The Ravens are almost at midfield! Next play, incompletion. Whew. Then, Boldin catches a nine-yard pass. They’re in Steelers’ territory. 1:09 left! Next play, incomplete pass. Then, another completion to Boldin for 10 yards. Why won’t someone defend him!!?!? Next play, just a two-yard completion, a wasted down. 48 seconds to victory! Incomplete pass deep to Torrey Smith. Close one. Exactly the kind of play the Steelers can’t have go against them. Now Boldin catches another 11-yard pass. Doesn’t matter, it’s not in the end zone and only 28 seconds are left in the game. Pittsburgh takes a timeout to help the ulcer grow in my stomach. I’m pacing in the room. Next play, throw to the end zone. Incomplete! Next play, incomplete again! Here we go!! Two downs to go, two downs to play defense, and this game is over. I’m on the bed, pounding the mattress with my fist to keep the Ravens from scoring. And then, boom. A 26-yard touchdown strike to Torrey Smith. Game over. A stomach punch to go with the ulcer.
So, take this story into consideration when evaluating this pick.
That said, I do think the Steelers have more going for them in this game and if they don’t win outright, it will probably be a one-point loss. Antonio Brown is a dangerous weapon, and both Le’Veon Bell and Legarrette Blount are dangerous weapons on the ground. Weather should not be a factor.
OK, now that the games are over, let’s see what I got right and wrong about the lines for the first week in the NFL.
| Game | Line | What I Said | What Happened | Review |
| Green Bay at Seattle | Seattle -5.5 | Seahawks -5.5 | Seahawks 36 Green Bay 16 |
As expected, the Super Bowl champs trounced whichever team they happened to play at home. |
| New Orleans at Atlanta | New Orleans -3 | Falcons +3 | Atlanta 37 New Orleans 34 |
I mentioned that Atlanta was going to put up a fight, and they led for most of the game before winning in overtime. |
| Minnesota at St. Louis |
St. Louis -2.5 | Minnesota +2.5 | Minnesota 34 St. Louis 6 |
The Rams did a fine job of slowing Adrian Peterson (75 yards on 21 carries), but they forgot about Cordarrelle Patterson (103 yards rushing) |
| Cleveland at Pittsburgh | Pittsburgh -5.5 | Cleveland +5.5 | Pittsburgh 30 Cleveland 27 | This one looked like a sure loser early, but Cleveland came storming back to make it close. |
| Jacksonville at Philadelphia | Philadelphia -10 | Jacksonville +10 | Philadelphia 34 Jacksonville 17 | This one looked like a sure winner early, but Jacksonville managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. |
| Oakland at New York Jets |
NY Jets -6 | Oakland +6 | NY Jets 19 Oakland 14 |
Oakland gets it done on the road! |
| Cincinnati at Baltimore | Baltimore -1 | Cincinnati +1 | Cincinnati 23 Baltimore 16 | This game was not really as close as the final score would indicate. Baltimore has a lot of trouble on offense. |
| Buffalo at Chicago | Chicago -6.5 | Buffalo +6.5 | Buffalo 23 Chicago 20 |
Have I mentioned Chicago’s terrible defense? |
| Washington at Houston | Houston -3 | Houston -3 | Houston 17 Washington 6 | Surprising how dominant Texans were; we’ll see how much they miss Clowney on defense the next few weeks. |
| Tennessee at Kansas City | Kansas City -3 | Kansas City -3 | Tennessee 26 Kansas City 10 | The most shocking game of the week; I need to reevaluate both of these teams. |
| New England at Miami | New England -3.5 | New England -3.5 | Miami 33 New England 20 |
Old man Brady wilts in the heat. Always consider whether the weather will be a factor when making picks! |
| Carolina at Tampa Bay |
Tampa Bay -4 | Tampa Bay -4 | Carolina 20 Tampa Bay 14 |
Tampa Bay is still Tampa Bay. Doug Martin is Doug Martin. |
| San Francisco at Dallas | San Francisco -3 | San Francisco -3 | San Francisco 28 Dallas 17 | Impressed Dallas’ Defense gave up only 28 points. This might be the low mark until they play the Giants. |
| Indianapolis at Denver | Denver -7.5 | Denver -7.5 | Denver 31 Indianapolis 24 | Kinda gross how Denver let Indy back in the game. Always a danger when you’re giving more than a touchdown. |
| New York Giants at Detroit | Detroit -6 | NY Giants +6 | Detroit 35 NY Giants 14 |
Whooh. This Giants team is bad. Some talent on defense, but way way overmatched in this one. |
| San Diego at Arizona | Arizona -3 | Arizona -3 | Arizona 18 San Diego 17 |
If Carson Palmer and the Cards do this all year, I’m only going to bid on the total, not the side. |
So, 9-7 for the first week. Not great, but at least it was positive.
Time to re-start the blog with a weekly look at the slate of NFL games! Each week, I’ll post my pick against the spread for each NFL game. To start, I’m giving myself credit for Seattle -5 on Thursday night. Even though I didn’t post the pick here, that would’ve been my play, as until further notice you don’t go against Seattle at home.
For week 1, a couple of notes. First, there isn’t a lot of certainty among sports pundits as to who the dominant teams are this year. Everyone expects Seattle to be good again (and they seem to be the trendy pick to win the Super Bowl), as well as half of the NFC, and New England and Denver in the AFC. At the other end of the spectrum, not much is expected out of the Browns, Buffalo, Dallas, Carolina, or the AFC South. It would seem the league has a lot of parity among the remaining teams. Something to keep in mind when considering spreads over three points, and home underdogs.
Second, week 1 is one of the quirkier weeks in the NFL schedule. Teams you would never expect to compete win games outright, or put a real scare into a team that was supposed to be a lock for the playoffs. With that in mind, this week’s picks (my pick in bold):
New Orleans at Atlanta + 3
Everyone loves New Orleans in this game for a couple of reasons. 1) The Saints are expected to be much better than the Falcons this year, so giving only three points seems like a gift from Vegas. 2) Drew Brees, the Saints’ QB, plays better in a dome than outdoors, and this game is in a dome, so therefore Brees will have an excellent game. Couple of problems with this logic: 1) It’s a road game for the Saints, and it’s never easy to win on the road in the NFL. 2) This is a divisional game, which will make it all the more competitive for the Falcons; they aren’t going to let a division rival come in and walk all over them even if they were 1-14 at the time, much less 0-0. Throw in the weird things that tend to happen in week 1, and I’ll happily take the points.
Minnesota +2.5 at St. Louis
This game started off with the Rams -5.5, and then Sam Bradford, the Rams QB, went out for the year with an injury. The Rams have an excellent defense, and the Vikings have a journeyman QB in Matt Cassell. Plus, the Vikings will be missing one of their starting receivers (Jerome Simpson). The Vikings are also dealing with a new head coach in Mike Zimmer. Given all of this, it might not seem a wise decision to take less than a field goal here. However, the Vikings do have the best player on the field in RB Adrian Peterson. He’s good enough to change the outcome of games himself, and I expect him to do just that. Considering ZImmer’s past as a defensive coordinator, the under (43.5) here also looks good.
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Cleveland +5.5 at Pittsburgh
This is admittedly a bit of a heart-over-head pick for me, as I am a Browns fan. Upon examination, though, I don’t think it’s too crazy. The Browns’ defense is pretty good. Joe Haden should be able to shut down the Steelers’ Antonio Brown. If the defensive line can corral Le’veon Bell, QB Ben Rothlesberger won’t have a lot of options. As for Cleveland’s offense, they don’t have to explode, just do enough to keep it within a field goal for this pick to come through. QB Brian Hoyer was serviceably good last year, they upgraded at RB with Ben Tate, and the team should be amped up with the possible return next week of currently suspended star receiver Josh Gordon. Thow in the week 1 wackiness, and I’ll happily take the points.
Jacksonville +10 at Philadelphia
Ten points is a lot in an NFL game. I would consider giving double-digit points in a few scenarios, but this isn’t one of them. Yes, the Eagles have a potent offense. Yes, Jacksonville will probably be terrible. Yes, the Jaguars have a bad QB (Chad Henne), their starting RB (Toby Gerhart) is a bit unproven as a starter, and their best players are two rookies (Blake Bortles and Marquise Lee). But 10 points is a lot in an NFL game. Last year, Eagles coach Chip Kelly probably would’ve tried to score as many points as possible in a game like this. But now I suspect he’s a bit savvier and will try to give away as little of his playbook as possible in week 1.
Oakland +6 at New York Jets
This is a classic “West coast team plays a 1 p.m. game on the East coast” game. As the thinking goes, a 1 p.m. start time on the East coast is the same as 10 a.m. on the West coast, which is far too early for an NFL team to be eating breakfast much less playing a game. The Raiders have problems at QB, RB Maurice Jones-Drew is coming off an injury, and the defense has a lot of new players. On the Jets side, Geno Smith is supposed to be better at QB, they upgraded at WR in Eric Decker, and they signed RB Chris Johnson from Tennessee. That said, it’s unknown how Decker will play with a QB other than Peyton Manning, and I’m not a Chris Johnson believer. This line should have been Jets -3; I’ll take the three extra points.
Cincinnati +1 at Baltimore
First things first: as a Browns fan, I never have any luck going against Baltimore. Still, it’s hard to like the Ravens here. Starting RB Ray Rice is suspended for (unfortunately only) two games, and the Bengals should be the much better team this year. I’m counting on their defense to stifle the Ravens offense, and for Andy Dalton to not completely screw up after signing a big contract.
Buffalo +6.5 at Chicago
The Bears’ offense should be a juggernaut this year, and Buffalo’s team should be horrible. So why go against Chicago here? The Bears’ defense is terrible. The defensive line is good, but the linebacking corps and secondary (other than CB Charles Tillman) are entirely suspect. The Bills will be able to run the ball with Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller, and it will be hard to imagine that QB EJ Manual will play as badly as he did in the pre-season. This is too many points to pass up.
Washington at Houston -3
This is a terrible game. Fans should be given a refund for having to watch it. The Texans’ defense should be enough to stop RG III and Washington’s offense. Arian Foster (if healthy) and Andre Johnson should carry the Texans’ offense. At the very least, there’s really no compelling reason not to take the home team here when they’re giving only three points.
Tennessee at Kansas City -3
There’s a lot to like about the Titans this year. They finally shed themselves of the albatross that RB Chris Johnson had become, QB Jake Locker is healthy (for now), coach Ken Wisenhunt has been to the Super Bowl, and they have an exciting new rookie RB in Bishop Sankey. On the other hand, there’s nothing not to like about Kansas City in this matchup. QB Alex Smith wins most of the games he plays. A lot of people who follow the NFL find this hard to believe, despite the statistics in front of them. The Chiefs also have the best player on the field in RB Jamaal Charles. WR Dwayne Bowe is suspended, but the Chiefs should still be able to win by more than three points. If anything, this could be the trap game of the week because the spread is so low.
New England -3.5 at Miami
It rarely feels like a good idea to go against New England coach Bill Belichik, to say nothing of QB Tom Brady. Miami is a bad home team. Their QB is Ryan Tannehill. I could go on, but I think this one is a fairly safe pick.
Carolina at Tampa Bay -4
Ugh. This is a hold-my-nost and look away pick. Tampa Bay should be improved under new coach Lovie Smith, and with RB Doug Martin back from injury. QB is a bit dicey for the Bucs, as they attempt to start career backup Josh McCown. The Panthers have a stifling defense, but QB Cam Newton is hurt, and even if he weren’t it’s not clear who he would be able to throw to. The Panthers have a good thing going with their RB-by-committee approach, but it won’t mean much with Smith’s bend-but-don’t-break defensive scheme. If the total weren’t already so low (37.5), this would’ve been a great time to go under.
San Francisco -3 over Dallas
San Francisco’s defensive problems due to suspensions are pretty well known, and they’re only going to get worse in the coming weeks. But Dallas might have the worst scoring defense in the league. Contrast them with the 49ers, who perennially make the playoffs, and this game could be a blow out.
Indianapolis at Denver -7.5
It’s a lot of points, I know. But I’m not going against Peyton Manning on Sunday night, at home. This is also a revenge game for the Broncos from their loss to the Colts last year.
New York Giants +6.5 at Detroit
Detroit could have a very good team this year. They have a better coach in Jim Caldwell, and a stout defense to go with a fairly loaded offense. The Giants were a bit of a disaster last year, but that was more of an aberration than the norm under coach Tom Coughlin. Particularly considering the way the season started off last year for the Giants, I expect them to come out prepared. This line probably should have been Lions -4.5.
San Diego at Arizona -3
The Chargers are a trendy pick to make the playoffs and potentially usurp Denver and New England as the kings of the AFC. One problem with that: Philip Rivers is their QB. The Chargers aren’t a terrible team, but the Cardinal’s defense should prove to be too much for them to handle. Taking the home team and laying the points seems like a reasonable play.
After recently observing what has become common behavior in traffic, it occurs to me that a new set of questions needs to be asked on the driver’s exam. Here are some suggested entries:
1. This is a three-part question requiring a Yes/No answer to each part:
a. Is it ever appropriate to drive with a dog on your lap?
b. What if you appear to be at least 80?
c. What if the dog is approximately the size of a mature sheep?
2. When making a right turn onto a road with three or more lanes, how many bonus points do you receive for covering as many lanes as possible in the course of completing the turn?
a. 40
b. 10,000
c. 0
d. Negative infinity
3. While waiting in the left lane at a stoplight, under what conditions are you allowed to make a right turn out of nowhere?
a. After honking your horn twice
b. That’s the way to Carl’s Jr.
c. I forgot to go to the post office
d. Ain’t no way I’m waiting on that train; it’s like 400 cars long.
4. Tailgating can lead to the following:
a. A collision with the car in front of you, and possibly a multi-vehicle accident
b. The driver in front of you nominating you for a civic award
c. Arriving at your destination two seconds earlier than you otherwise would have, so it was totally worth it
d. A better view of that bumper sticker the driver in front of you really wants you to read
5. When driving while eating, what is the appropriate technique for steering?
a. Use your knees, dummy, brisket is meant to be eaten with both hands!
b. Never switch from your driving hand to your eating hand when handling fries or other greasy food
c. A Frosty is a drink, not a food?
d. Chucking rib bones out the window as you finish them removes a choking hazard from the vehicle
6. If the inside of your windshield becomes foggy, the best way to address the situation is to:
a. Reach into the backseat for a page from last week’s newspaper while maintaining a speed of at least 45 mph
b. Remove a shoe, then a sock, to wipe it clean
c. Turn on the windshield wipers, to see if maybe that fixes the problem
d. Go to Carl’s Jr. and use the wrapper from your sandwich to clean the windshield
7. Using a turn signal is a good idea:
a. After completing a turn and you see a police car, since it still counts
b. Never
c. On Tuesdays, between 6:23-7:12 a.m. only.
d. If you happen to remember
8. Even though the use of cell phones is banned while driving, under what circumstances may they still be used?
a. Almost got this Candy Crush level cleared as I was on my way out the door
b. I’m trying to find that one YouTube video where the cat is a dustmop
c. This Carl’s Jr. is closed and I need to find the next closest one
d. Traffic is boring?
9. Which of these is an appropriate time to sound your horn?
a. 0.03 seconds after a light turns green, and the car in front of you has not moved.
b. Your turn signal is broken and you need to indicate an upcoming lane change
c. You’re keeping to the beat of a great new Ke$ha song
d. A friend of yours who lives on the 20th floor is waiting for you to signal him that you’ve arrived. Come to think of it, you’ve been at this for 10 minutes and Dave still hasn’t come down. Better honk a little more.
10. Under what circumstances do you NOT need to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk?
a. That Carl’s Jr. closes in six minutes, sorry
b. You accurately determined the person was walking slow on purpose
c. You weren’t paying attention because you just remembered that time earlier today when you saw a horse in person and it made you think of how, if you ever owned a horse, you would call it “Nancy,” because you never meet any horses named Nancy.
d. When turning right onto a road with three or more lanes, and yielding would cause you miss out on some of those bonus points you’re going for
In October, I lost one pound. It was only one pound, but it put it me square at 20 pounds lost for the year. The trip to Vegas was not nearly as disastrous as I thought it would be. A trip to the Bacchanal buffet at Caesar’s was the only instance in which I really went off the rails. I mean, I went WAY off the rails. I started sensibly, with a salad. Then I went for a whole plate of fresh steamed crab lags, with drawn butter. Also, some polenta with mushrooms and gravy. Next up was the Chinese station for some duck and dim sum. I also tried some ginseng soup, but it was not my bag. Instead, I had a fantastic bowl of pho. I perused the Japanse/sushi station, but it was pretty unappealing so I had only some spicy tuna (OK, not great).
That pho really helped me get my second wind, but I passed over the Mexican station (been there, done that with salsa and guacamole) and went for the grilled lamb chops (Grilled, two inch-thick lamb chops?! Are you kidding me??) and a slider. The savory side ended with a small cup of lobster corn chowder. I probably should have walked away at that point (or several courses ago), but I knew it would be a waste to not try a dessert.
So I started with the carrot cake and a raspberry chocolate tart, then had a tiramisu shooter and a ramekin of chocolate creme brulee. As I was eating the creme brulee, I was kicking myself for not topping it with some whipped cream at the crepe station. But there was little chance of me standing up at that point, so I soldiered on without it. Someday I hope to go back and correct that mistake.
There were a couple shaky moments on the way back to my hotel, but I made it.
Looking ahead to November, I think riding my bike to the train station is now out of season, so it’s walking or driving. Also, Thanksgiving looms, but I expect to be able to keep my appetite in check this year. I’ll be staying put, so I won’t have the excuse of eating on the road to deal with as an excuse for weight gain.
The first day of the last week of the halfbattical, and again time got away from me. I spent the morning hanging out with Gemma and Cecilia while I caught up on some TV. And I had a polish sausage and saurkraut sandwich for breakfast, of course. Later, I had a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. A short nap soon followed. Probably I was still tired from the day before, when I was working at the Chicago Marathon.
After waking up around noon, I walked over to pick up the car from Annette. I planned to go to the bank, but forgot it was closed for Columbus Day. No worries, I’ll just go to the barbershop for my long overdue haircut. D’oh! Barbershop is closed on Mondays. Welp, nothing to do except head to Evanston to use a discount deal I had for Hecky’s BBQ.
Hecky’s is the real deal. I ordered a half slab of baby back ribs, two corn muffins, a side of mac and cheese, and a side of baked beans. Unbeknownst to me, the ribs also came with a side of fries. Way too much to eat at once, but I polished off the ribs and sampled each of the sides. The ribs were the best I’ve ever had, delicious smoke flavor throughout. The macaroni and cheese was also delicious, and easily the richest I’ve ever tasted. The baked beans were also very good. Really, no complaints at all.
After that, I had to go to Costco, because Gemma was being picky about eating her food since we ran out of moist food for her the day before. Also, we needed a bag of Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters. The samples were disappointing that day; I passed up several of them.
When I arrived home and gave Gemma her moist food mixed in with her kibble, she gobbled it down. Cecilia was upset that Gemma even licked the bowl clean, and didn’t save anything for her. Cecilia had a little bit of moist food herself, though, so she didn’t have room to complain.
I spent the rest of the day doing work for my new course, which looks to be getting off to a fast start.
The end of week 2 of the halfbattical. More Cap’n Crunch for breakfast. Cecilia was off to the groomers early, which gave Gemma and I time for a walk.
After picking up Cecilia from the groomers, I had to get ready for spending part of the day with one of my goddaughters. Her school was having a grandparents/grandfriends day, and since Kate’s grandparents were all out of town, my friend George asked me to spend part of the day at Kindergarten.
I went to a new barbershop I’d been meaning to visit, but time was close. Only one person was waiting in front of me, but after a few minutes I realized they were cash only, and I only had a few singles on me. I had to leave, because I wouldn’t have time to find an ATM, return to the shop and have time to get a haircut before I needed to meet my friend.
On the way out, I stopped by a bakery in the same plaza as the barbershop to pick up some Halloween-themed cookies for my goddaughter and her siblings. Also, a pumpkin doughnut with maple icing for myself. (Remember, all I had to eat that day was Cap’n Crunch, and those are empty calories.) The doughnut was fantastic; one of the lightest cake doughnuts I’ve ever eaten.
I met George at his house and we were able to spend some time catching up before heading over to his daughter’s school. The teacher had a nice agenda prepared, which began with a scavenger hunt around the classroom. After that, the kids sang two songs and the teacher read “Just Grandma and Me” by Mercer Mayer.
Four craft stations had been set up around the room. One was for making a picture frame, another for making a flower out of a coffee filter and construction paper, another for making your grandparent/friend a crown, and the last for making a bookmark with a piece of paper and some pipe cleaners. Kate and I started with the crown. Although we had over an hour to work on the projects, Kate was worried about finishing all of them in time, so we rushed through each one. First, the crown, then the flower, then the bookmark, and finally the picture frame. We finished with plenty of time to spare, so Kate made another picture frame for her sister.
George met us at the school, and we all walked home. George, Kate and I then walked to lunch, along with Kate’s three-year old sister, Abby. Abby is quite a character, and harassed her Dad at the restaurant for not having a beer with me. All in all, a great time.
Later that night, Annette and I met some friends for dinner at Mago. Although Annette and I have been there many times, it was the first time for our friends. They were blown away by it, which was great to see. We ordered some guacamole, and shared some quesadillas. We also ordered the grilled calamari salad, which is a standard for Annette and I. For dinner, I had a special dish they were offering: sauteed pork belly, topped with seared sea scallops and a special tomatillo sauce, along with a special rice preparation. I wish I would’ve had room for the flan de la semana, as it was key lime flavored, but I was too stuffed.
Chimps Like Us 